It’s december now, and it’s the christmas month! Everyone loves christmas and always having so much plannings about the christmas dinner or party. Everywhere with christams decoration, everyone having the christmas holidays.. I remember I got a lot of christams presents last year, it was like yesterday, having dinner at TGI, took photos at laysan and jo‘s place, and fui arrived in newcastle at the next day.. hmph..

Today, I’m trying to search some x’mas songs through the net, there are tons of christmas songs, I don’t know which one I should take and paste on my xanga! After all, I prefer those like oldies christmas songs, those are so suit for like the snowy christmas and everyone stay inside the cosy house which fulled of candle lights, having the hot warmy turkey, sitting beside the christams tree and exchanging the presents, yuletide carols..and so on. Haha, at the end I choose the SantaBaby by Marilyn. I guess this is only for few days, because I found so much which I love like TheChristmasSong by Stacey Kent, this is a very touching song!! And Frank Sinatra’s Santa Clause Is Coming To Town, this is like the song which playing when I was so young in the cartoon.

from http://www.hk.myblog.yahoo.com/mami-mama/

I can’t expect too much for every pf day,

cos I know that we’re not only have to do something special for each other on pf day only,

but every day, every moment and every second.

We had a sweet pf night today!

I love you, sweetheart.

No matter how, I will still love you.

We have a lot of sweetness and happiness,

and I believe we can get rid of all the grief between us.

Please give me your hand now..

I need you, badly!

When I was in KL, I was start to think when I can have the real time to spend with fui. I knew he must busy for jin’s wedding, maybe after the wedding? maybe we can spend a little bit time during the weedding for each other? and I wish the weekend which he’s very free at that time and no need to work (perhaps) so we can stick together for the very very long time. 

But today, we only have about 5 minutes phone-talk and about 10 sms. I am not complaning how less of sms or how short for the phone conversation, but that’s just different from what I thought before. I’m a bit dissapointed and of course a bit of unhappy now. Anyhow, wanphui must become the understanding girlfriend or the lovely sweetheart ever. I just keep reminding myself to calm down and trying to understand his situation. Yes, he’s really busy and he can’t get out from what he’s busy at suddenly. So, today is today, it’s already happened and gonna be tomorrow soon, what I want to complain is just useless.

How I spent my saturday actually, not much talking as maybe I’m not really in mood, sometimes answer mum and sis question or talking a bit about the tv programme or..I nearly forgot what I did today, because was flat. And sister was going out to meet her friends who back from australia. Hey, what more I can do? HELP ME! Unexpectedly, chungwai was gave me a buzz, I’m so so boring and he’s damn boring, so we talked for quite a long while, as we know we will back to boring again after hang up the phone. sigh~

I am quite afraid to think about tomorrow actually, because too much hope will only make me down at the end of the day.

The stupid me is still hoping the white car will passby my house. *give myself a smack hardly*

I can feel myself is already attached on someone, my everything is just going with the boyfriend, happy or unhappy. Sometimes, I wish I can be more independent, because it’s suffering sometime.. I will feel blue when I can’t see him, I will feel down when I can’t talk to him, I will feel sad when I realise that I can’t see him for a day, I will feel unhappy when I am doing nothing but just wanting to see him. I hate the feeling of missing sometime, maybe if I see him at faraway can make me happy a bit, instead of seeing nothing…

Like I’m sitting in front of the screen now but not spending the weekend with him, the great weekend for everyone. People said the things always most beautiful when everything is just starts, and I start to miss the moment like last year..

Somehow, I understand the situation now. Perhaps, just let me to miss those days rather than miss you like crazy now. *tears drop*

*why I keep looking out of the window to see whether there’s any white car outside my gate?

You really think that you always be the first when you been told that you are the first to be considered, me either. That’s quite headache or suffering when you feel you’re not, or you guess you’re not. You will start to think many things and take tons of reaons why you don’t or can’t be the first this time or that time. Even worse, when you’re being the first, you will doubt that whether this is the really ‘first‘ or you’re the only second or third, or you’re being the something tiny thing at the middle of the first and second thing, I mean the thing use to fill in the blank between first and second so it becomes FULLED. Ironically, you are so happy to being the first, but do you ever think that you are only STANDBY there to be the first, so is this can still be considered as the first? Lots of delicious food in front of you, you always like the ice-cream, so the ice-cream is not afraid that you’ll take others as your First food, cos ice-cream always be your first choice. But you can choose to eat or not to eat today. Yes, the ice-cream is still your first choice, but you don’t want to eat ANYTHING today, the ice-cream must feel so depress, but it’s still in front of you anytime.. Hmph, after all, is it I need to say that the ice-cream is not being cheated anyway, because it’s still the first? *faint*

Will you still want to be the first? So sweet to listen, so hard to accept.

All the reasons are acceptable why cannot be the FIRST first. maybe next time.

should know that k.